End of the world. NOT!

I am sorry if you fell for all the hype and mass hysteria about today’s prediction but it’s not like it’s the End of the World.


This is the time of year for GLITTER (shinny dirt that gets all over everything and is impossible to clean. In fact the word Litter is right in it.)

Gun Free Zone

Use extreme caution entering a gun free zone may be hazardous to your health.

Hey Santa

Hey Santa,
Don't forget to fill up my sock this year.

Kill that Tree!

Tis the season where millions of people proudly drive around displaying their trophy tree carcasses for all to see.
So go out and “KILL THAT TREE!”

Check out the 1678 Point that my I bagged. Can’t say it was a clean kill though. In fact, it was kind of messy.

New Leaf

I tried to "Turn over a New Leaf " but I couldn't decide on which one.

Lonely phone

My telephone will be so lonely now that the politicians have stopped calling it.

high priority

If I am such a high priority, then why am I sitting next to this bush?


Everyone knows where they were on 9-11

Drive Fast

Better drive FASTso you will have time for a ticket.

Listen to your wife

You may as well listen to your wife now, if not you will hear about it later.

Labor Day

Why do they call it Labor Day if nobody works?
Shouldn't it be Anti-Labor Day?

Scatter Brained

I'm not Scatter Brained, I'm a Multi-thinker.

Joan Rivers

Will the real Joan Rivers..... Please Stand Up!!!


Love is the strongest medicine; I just wish more people could see that it has always been within their grasp.

Spot remover

I poured Spot Remover on my dog. Now he's gone.


If we quit voting, will they all just go away?

Gas Prices

With the price of Gas climing so high, we are sure to see an increase in Walk-By Shootings.

Lesson in irony

Lesson in irony.

The Food Stamp Program, administered by the U.S. Department of Agriculture, is actually proud of the fact it is distributing the greatest amount of free meals and food stamps ever.

Meanwhile, the National Park Service, administered by the U.S. Department of the Interior, asks us to "Please Do Not Feed the Animals." Their stated reason for the policy is...... because the animals will grow dependent on handouts...... and will not learn to take care of themselves.

This ends today's lesson

news survey

What is your preferred method to receive extremely important or tragic news? (Example: Someone is very ill.)

pollcode.com free polls 


When you are perfect there is no competition!


When did parades turn into nothing more than an endless lineup of political advertising?

Travel through life

As you travel through life, don't forget to occasionally look up or you may run smack dab into something hard.


Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?


Superman never got paid for saving the world.

Duct Tape

Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

Light is faster than sound

Light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

Marriage License small print

Guys, have you read the small print on your Marriage License lately?

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say or do will be held against you. You have the right to beg forgiveness. Even if you beg, you will be held guilty until I say otherwise. Good Luck, Sucker!

Faith looks up

Worry looks around, Sorry looks back, Faith looks up!

Job done right

A job isn't done until it is done RIGHT!

Sweat the small stuff

Life is too short to sweat about the small stuff.


A Pancake is neither a pan nor a cake.

Please take a moment to honor those who have made the ultimate sacrifice

Please take a moment to honor those who have made the ultimate sacrifice in order for the rest of us to continue the lifestyle that we have become accustomed to and sometimes take for granted.

Internet thoughts

Surprise! Did you know that things you put on the Internet (this includes websites, blogs, forums, email and yes even our blessed facebook) can be made public for the entire world to see? Some people think they can keep their thoughts private. Scary isn't it?

A woman always has the last word in any argument

A woman always has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says
after that is just the beginning of a new argument.

Abortion is not a form of birth control

Abortion is not a form of birth control, it just means you're the parent of a dead baby.


The first born is the center of attention until the second one is born. Then it is auto-pilot for the rest of their life.

Birthday Card

My birthday cards contained no food, no beer and no sex; I’m surprised I even opened them!

the light is green

If you pull up under the traffic light so far that you can no longer see it, then how much time will that really save you when you can't see the light turn green?

always correct

If you don't like being corrected all the time, try living with someone who is always wrong.

human race membership

Some people are just barely able to claim membership in the human race, common sense ought to be a prerequisite.

noisy restaurant

It's not a good sign when its noisy in restaurant.

eat too much

Ever have so much on your plate that you can't see over the top of it to find the table?


Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

penny for my thoughts

If you gave me a penny for my thoughts, you would get short changed.


Kiss is not just just another 4 letter word, so kiss me!

Happy Valentines Day         

Life is but a large group of single days

Life is but a large group of single days. Call today the beginning of your new mini-life. Now go out and make it special.

conspiracy to kill off the old people

Is there a conspiracy to kill off the old people by making the warning labels on drugs to small to read?

Life continues until you die

Life continues until you die and then it gets better.

Tattoo Clothes

Check out my great new idea that is sure to sweep the nation! ---- Tattoo Clothes : so you are always ready to go.

Holy Water

How do you make Holy Water? You boil the HELL out of it.