Air Bags

Forget about all those broken Air Bags, someone needs to do something about all the cars driving around with NO turn signals.

I had fun

I had fun one time, I hated it :(

Green Army Men

It has been stated that the Green Army Men promote violence. Must be true 'cause whenever they come out to play, Barbie, Mr. Potato Head & the Care Bear hop on My Little Pony and head for the hills.

Plan B

Why do we even have a Plan A if we always end up using Plan B?

Music Award Show

You know your getting old when you've never even heard of the people getting the awards on the TV Music Award Show.

Police Protection

If they don't want the police in their neighborhoods, we should honor their request. We can always use a few more officers where they are RESPECTED.

Dinner Plate

If you want to lose weight, you must be able to see the plate.

Election Day

Don't forget to exercise your RIGHT to vote!

Halloween Zombies

You may not want to kill any Zombies on Halloween, some of them may be fakes.

Long ago

It was long ago and it was far away,And it was so much better than it is today.

Cracker Barrel

Is anything worse that being at a Cracker Barrel during a tornado? Ever see what's hanging on all those walls?

Forever Stamps

Invest your retirement in something safe, roll your savings into Forever Stamps.

Football Prayers

You had better be praying to the correct God or you will be penalized!

White House Unlocked

Did the President's protectors all look the other way when a guy with a knife came storming in the front door of the White House after him?


Safety doesn't happen by accident.

Panera Bread

Panera Bread doesn't want their customers to carry handguns, just don't tell the bad guys about it.
We have some smart babies around here if they can read this.

Baby Seal

Ask any woman which is cuter, a Navy Seal or a Baby Seal ?

Life Insurance is like hugging your kids with money.

Traffic Lights

Why do they put more than 1 traffic light at every intersection, do they think we won't believe the first one?


Politics - from the words "poly," meaning "many," And "ticks," as in "small, blood-sucking parasites".


A chicken is just an egg's way of making another egg!

Email reply

Why do people never reply to email and never know when to stop replying to text messages?

Right to Water

Water is a human right so go jump in a lake. Don't steal it from the city!

Dollar Menu

Hasn't everything on the menu always been a dollar or more?

Missing Battery

People Down South sometimes seem to move as if they are missing a battery or two.

Sell By Date

"Sell by" dates just make things go bad.

Growing Up

Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.

Sleeping with Women

Don't say you slept with a woman if what you really meant was that you slept afterwards.

Cute Kids

Give me a break already. Not all kids are cute on commercials?

Car Contamination

And you thought getting Tar off your car was difficult!

Good Guns

It takes a good person with a gun to stop a bad person with a gun.

I care!

People keep thinking that I care.....WEIRD!

Stop Shaky Cam Movies----PLEASE!!!


If a man does something stupid once, its because he's a man.  If he does something stupid twice, its because of a woman.


The end is just the begining of something new.

Throw it away

Just because something is broken, doesn't mean you need to throw it away.


The best a person can be is of some use.

The best a person can be is of some use.

Shopping bags

Why not just make plastic shopping bags stronger instead of making the cashier double bag everything.

Speaker Phone

Do you really need to use the speaker on your cell phone in the middle of a busy restaurant? We don't all need to hear about Aunt Mildred's fungal infection.

There are limits to everything

There are limits to everything, after all remember that Joan River's husband killed himself.

Retirement is Great

Retirement is great but it really screws up your Saturdays.

Big Bang

Ever had a semi-truck tire explode in directly in front of you while driving down the expressway? That will leave a mark on your drivers seat!

See me through

We are not on this earth to see through one another, but to see one another through.

Smashing Mailboxes

If smashing a mailbox is a crime, someone needs to arrest the guy in the county snow plow that ran mine over!

Everyone is Strange

If everyone in the world is strange and I am the only normal one, than by definition "am I really normal"?

Casino Cowboy

It just doesn't seem right to wear a cowboy hat into a casino.

Ice Cream Truck

My parents told me that the Ice Cream Truck only plays music  when the ice cream is all gone!